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Taako Tacco
Basic Info
Age Definitely At Least Older than 100
Birthday ???
Gender Male
Race High Elf
Classification Wacky Wizard
Affiliation Fantasy Costco/Phantomhive Mansion
Chumhandle ???
Origin World The Adventure Zone!
Powers Spells
Weapons ???
Equipment Various Magic Items, Umbra Staff
Status Upcoming
Face Claim Taako Fanart
Player Jade
Abracafuck you!


Taako Tacco, better known as simply Taako, is a High-Elf Wizard hailing from the world of Faerun.

Hailing from New Elfington, Taako hosted a traveling cooking show, 'Sizzle It Up with Taako', and eventually joined up with Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides after answering a Fantasy Craigslist advertisement.

Taako is a member of The Bureau of Balance and wears a irremovable bracer on his left arm signifying this. Taako is the current wielder of the Umbra Staff, a magic item and spell focus made out of an Umbrella. Taako most recently became the owner of Fantasy Costco after the 'mysterious' death of the previous owner, Garfield the Sales Warlock.

Taako arrived on Rigel Prima when Fantasy Costco was mysteriously transported there, located in a spot equidistant from Wayne Manor, Town, and Phantomhive Mansion.

Taako is also the current owner and (supposedly) sole inhabitant of Phantomhive Mansion, having bought the estate legally through Town upon arriving on Rigel.

Skills and Abilities

Taako is a 16th level Wizard, wielder of the Umbra Staff, and carries around several items of both Magic and Mundane design.


Taako can cast spells up to Level 12. Taako takes his spells from the 5th Edition Rulebook of Dungeons and Dragons. His known spells are as follows.


Taako knows 4 Cantrips.

Name Synopsis
Mage Hand A spectral, floating hand appears at a point you choose within range. You can use the hand to manipulate an object, open an unlocked door or container, stow or retrieve an item from an open container, or pour the contents out of a vial.
Minor Illusion You create a sound or an image of an object within range that lasts for the duration.
Prestidigitation You create a shower of sparks, clean or soil a small object, print a symbol or color, etc
Ray of Frost A frigid beam of blue-white light streaks toward a creature within range.

1st-6th Level Spells

Taako has a literal shitton of spells. He has found that his spellcasting is different on Rigel Prima, in some ways easier, in others harder. (Spells are rolled 1d1000 to be cast, 1d1000 to have their intended effect, and 1d1000 to be defended against, as the case may be. Some spells operate differently and some have extra rules for rolls.)

Name Synopsis Level
Shield An invisible barrier of magical force appears and protects you. 1
Sleep This spell sends creatures into a magical slumber. 1
Charm Person You attempt to charm a humanoid you can see within range. 1
Thunderwave A wave of thunderous force sweeps out from you. 1
Detect Magic For the duration, you sense the presence of magic within 30 feet of you. 1
Tasha's Hideous Laughter A creature of your choice that you can see within range perceives everything as hilariously funny and falls into fits of laughter if this spell affects it. 1
Magic Missile You create three glowing darts of magical force. Each dart hits a creature of your choice that you can see within range. 1
Disguise Self You make yourself—including your clothing, armor, weapons, and other belongings on your person—look different until the spell ends or until you use your action to dismiss it. 1
Darkvision You touch a willing creature to grant it the ability to see in the dark. 2
Levitate One creature or object of your choice that you can see within range rises vertically, up to 20 feet, and remains suspended there for the duration. 2
Melf's Acid Arrow A shimmering green arrow streaks toward a target within range and burst in a spray of acid. 2
Rope Trick You touch a length of rope that is up to 60 feet long. One end of the rope then rises into the air until the whole rope hangs perpendicular to the ground. At the upper end of the rope, an invisible entrance opens to an extradimensional space that lasts until the spell ends. 2
Scorching Ray You create three rays of fire and hurl them at targets within range. 2
Crown of Madness One humanoid of your choice that you can see within range must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or become charmed by you for the duration. While the target is charmed in this way, a twisted crown of jagged iron appears on its head, and a madness glows in its eyes. 2
Enlarge/Reduce You cause a creature or an object you can see within range to grow larger or smaller for the duration. 2
Shatter A sudden loud ringing noise, painfully intense, erupts from a point of your choice within range. 2
Gust of Wind A line of strong wind 60 feet long and 10 feet wide blasts from you in a direction you choose for the spell’s duration. 2
Knock A target that is held shut by a mundane lock or that is stuck or barred becomes unlocked, unstuck, or unbarred. If the object has multiple locks, only one of them is unlocked. 2
Detect Thoughts For the duration, you can read the thoughts of certain creatures. 2
Blink You vanish from your current plane of existence and appear in the Ethereal Plane. 3
Clairvoyance You create an invisible sensor within range in a location familiar to you (a place you have visited or seen before) or in an obvious location that is unfamiliar to you (such as behind a door, around a corner, or in a grove of trees) 3
Phantom Steed A Large quasi-real, horse-like creature appears on the ground in an unoccupied space of your choice within range. His name is Garyl 3
Hunger of Hadar You open a gateway to the dark between the stars, a region infested with unknown horrors. A 20-foot-radius sphere of blackness and bitter cold appears, centered on a point with range and lasting for the duration. 3
Water Breathing This spell grants up to ten willing creatures you can see within range the ability to breathe underwater until the spell ends. Affected creatures also retain their normal mode of respiration. 3
Fireball A bright streak flashes from your pointing finger to a point you choose within range and then blossoms with a low roar into an explosion of flame. 3
Phantasmal Killer You tap into the nightmares of a creature you can see within range and create an illusory manifestation of its deepest fears, visible only to that creature. 4
Evard's Black Tentacles Squirming, ebony tentacles fill a 20-foot square on ground that you can see within range. For the duration, these tentacles turn the ground in the area into difficult terrain. 4
Stoneskin This spell turns the flesh of a willing creature you touch as hard as stone. 4
Otiluke's Resilient Sphere A sphere of shimmering force encloses a creature or object of Large size or smaller within range. 4
Ice Storm A hail of rock-hard ice pounds to the ground in a 20-foot-radius, 40-foot-high cylinder centered on a point within range. 4
Leomund's Secret Chest You hide a chest, and all its contents, on the Ethereal Plane. 4
Arcane Eye You create an invisible, magical eye within range that hovers in the air for the duration. 4
Banishment You attempt to send one creature that you can see within range to another plane of existence. 4
Polymorph This spell transforms a creature that you can see within range into a new form 4
Fire Shield Thin and wispy flames wreathe your body for the duration, shedding bright light in a 10-foot radius and dim light for an additional 10 feet. 4
Greater Invisibility You or a creature you touch becomes invisible until the spell ends. 4
Wall of Fire You create a wall of fire on a solid surface within range. You can make the wall up to 60 feet long, 20 feet high, and 1 foot thick, or a ringed wall up to 20 feet in diameter, 20 feet high, and 1 foot thick. The wall is opaque and lasts for the duration. 4
Cone of Cold A blast of cold air erupts from your hands. A creature killed by this spell becomes a frozen statue until it thaws 5
Wall of Force An invisible wall of force springs into existence at a point you choose within range. 5
Wall of Stone A non-magical wall of solid stone springs into existence at a point you choose within range. 5
Planar Binding With this spell, you attempt to bind a celestial, an elemental, a fey, or a fiend to your service. 5
Cloudkill You create a 20-foot-radius sphere of poisonous, yellowgreen fog centered on a point you choose within range. 5
Mislead You become invisible at the same time that an illusory double of you appears where you are standing. 5
Bigby's Hand You create a hand of shimmering, translucent force in an unoccupied space that you can see within range. 5
Dominate Person You attempt to beguile a humanoid that you can see within range. 5
Animate Objects Objects come to life at your command. 5
Immolation Flames wreathe one creature you can see within range. 5
Disintegrate A thin green ray springs from your pointing finger to a target that you can see within range. 6
Flesh to Stone You attempt to turn one creature that you can see within range into stone. 6
True Seeing This spell gives the willing creature you touch the ability to see things as they actually are. 6
Magic Jar You place your soul into a container, placing your physical body into a catatonic state. While your soul is in the container, it can sense everything that goes on around it. Unless the container is articulated, such as a suit of armor, you cannot move in the container. While in the container, you have the option of possessing the living body of another creature, human or otherwise. If you succeed in possessing the other creature, their soul is placed inside the container and you gain full control of their body's actions as well as their skillset, provided you can figure out how to use either. If the container is broken while your soul is in it, you are shunted out and into your old body. If you body is 100 feet or more away, you become a ghost. If you are in the body of another creature and that body is destroyed, the creature dies and you are shunted into the container. If the container is destroyed while you inhabit another body, the spell ends, the creature's soul is released, and your soul is sent back to your body, provided it is within distance. The spell can also be ended at your desire. If you fail the spell in any way, the consequences are violent and painful. 6
Drawmji's Instant Summons You touch an object weighing 10 pounds or less whose longest dimension is 6 feet or less. The spell leaves an invisible mark on its surface and invisibly inscribes the name of the item on the sapphire you use as the material component. At any time thereafter, you can use your action to speak the item’s name and crush the sapphire. The item instantly appears in your hand regardless of physical or planar distances, and the spell ends. 6


Item Notes
Short Sword
Adventurer's Kit For Sale. Adventurer's kit. Never Used.
Seven Habits of Highly Effective Elves Record of Taako's life so far
Uncle John's Elven Bathroom Reader Spell book
Bracer of Balance (and Bracer Brush) On Taako's left arm
Ring of Frost From Fantasy Gatchapon machine; makes beverages frosty and refreshing; defends against frost damage
Unlimited Pasta Pass Purchased for 100GP from Fantasy Costco; only applies to Olive Garden
Wand of Switcheroo Purchased for 300GP from Fantasy Costco; switches users' place with another person or item of similar mass
Pocket Spa Purchased from Fantasy Costco. Pocket dimension perfect for rest and relaxation. Get away from it all!
Maarvey's Stun Baton Don't use it on zoo animals
Mongoose Mask Given to Taako by Hurley. Masked used to disguise face while racing.
Small bottle of Silverpoint poison
Cloak of the Manta Ray A slick, black leather cloak. When the wearer is submerged in water, it grants them the ability to breath underwater and swim at an increased speed.
Plastic Sheriff's Badge Gives user a false sense of authority.
Immovable Rod Stays in one place. It even floats!
Music Box Contains a Totally Fire(TM) Mixtape.
Whetstone Gift from Taako's friend Killian. It's shaped like a ducky!
Airplane bottles of booze Gift (?) from a friend (?).
"Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop" Book Gift from Angus, Taako's one-time magic student.
Potty Chair Well, when ya gotta go... ya gotta go. Gift from Magnus.
Iron-on badge copy Dark blue circles, iron on; twelve circles around the outside; unreadable language in the center; comes with note that reads "For Your Eyes Only"
Hole Thrower Throws a hole with 10 inch diameter into any non-living object.
Mockingbird Gum Gives ability to mimic a voice for an hour.
Arcane Trickster's Glove Turns Mage Hand invisible
Low Sodium Salt Shaker Sprinkle on food, if it turns pink, the food is poisoned
Bag of Necessity Gift from Taako's god, Istus. Contents Unknown.
Rickle Axager's Guide to Adventuring 3rd Ed. Just in case you forgot.
The KrEpStAr A casting glaive created by Taako himself; Imbued with Mulligan's Blessing, which means if a spell attack misses, the spell slot will not be spent.

The Umbra Staff

The Umbra Staff is a powerful magic item and spell focus made out of a simple umbrella. It literally eats wands and staffs of other magic users and absorbs their power. The Umbra Staff can also absorb liches, being beings made of magic. Sometimes the staff acts of it's own accord, firing spells off at people or moving itself and it's user with it. Sometimes the staff chooses to lend its power to it's user. The staff chooses its user and often times reacts negatively to those who it does not deem worthy to wield it. The staff was created by Taako's sister, Lup and is believed by Taako and the Bureau of Balance to hold her soul, Lup having been turned into a Lich not long after creating the staff. Because of this, the staff is very important to Taako and it never leaves his side. Sometimes he forgets that it is an actual umbrella and has been caught on multiple occasions standing in the rain, holding the Umbra staff in one hand, closed, while being soaked through.


Taako is good out here, thank you very much!


Taako is a disaffected and aloof trickster. He's a bit of a kleptomaniac, looting corpses and such. He is willing to loot a corpse but not steal from a bank. While adventuring his emotional state was rarely shown other than frustration, though he's kinda mellowed out since then.

While he is a smooth talker, Taako has little actual charm about him (depending who you ask), and makes up through it with frequent use of his Charm Person spell. He tends to do things because they are funny, regardless of how that will affect strangers. At times he can be considered both cruel and callous towards those he does not care for. However, Taako has shown the capacity for empathy and kindness towards those he appears to respect.

Taako may at first appear to be stupid, a reputation he prefers continue, often referring to himself as a 'simple idiot Wizard'. However, those who get to know him soon come to realize that he is extremely smart and competent, and simply pretends to be stupid to keep people off their guard while around him.

Taako is straight up gay, there is no doubts about that. He can oftentimes be described as flamboyant, by way of the clothes he often chooses to wear, and his general attitude, though he does not make it a point to refer to his sexuality often. Taako is known to be a semi-casual crossdresser at times, having once wore a skirt (not a robe, a skirt) through an entire adventure.

Taako at times seems to be fluid in his gender identity, having very fair features (compliments of being a Sun Elf), and his aforementioned cross-dressing tendencies. More confusion comes from his offense at being referred to as a Man, but this is rather because of 'High' Elves slight tendencies towards racial superiority complexes that cause him to take offense at being referred to as the common word for Humans, instead of an actual problem with being Male. However, in spite of this fact, Taako seems to be very comfortable with exploring the gender roles of both sides, especially when it comes to clothing.

Ever since becoming owner of Fantasy Costco, Taako has become more entrepreneurial minded. He has always been interested in protecting and putting his brand out there, what with 'Sizzle It Up with Taako' and other things over the years. However, with a brand as famous and well known as Fantasy Costco, he's really tried to step up his game. Profit is his priority, he will sell anything to anyone, as long as they have the money.

Taako has issues with abandonment and as such has a hard time connecting with people and seeing them as more than just strangers or acquaintances. He treats these people differently, not particularly in a bad way, but not in a great way either. If he feels that a person is not treating him in a way that he is comfortable with, he is liable to throw a Charm Person spell their way. So watch out. However, once you make a connection with him, he is fiercely loyal, though he would not personally describe himself in that way.

While Taako is known to be a trickster and a comic relief type person, he understands that there are times when things need to be taken seriously. "It's not always 'Abraca-fuck you' and what have you! I have a beating heart! I'm multi-dimensional! I'm a fully realized creation! Fuck!"


Taako arrived on Rigel Prima simultaneously with the large building that holds his recently-acquired business, Fantasy Costco. Upon arrival, some unknown force of necromantic energy created a several square acre dead zone, caused by something in the Fantasy Costco building that interacted oddly with the energy from the giant rift that brought him to Rigel.

Not long after arriving, the Riftguard Xion showed up to investigate the disturbance of the large rift that had delivered him and the warehouse building to Rigel. As the Riftguard is known to do, Xion helped Taako become acclimated to his new surroundings and pointed him in the direction of Town and it's mayor, as well as telling him of the then-vacant and vandalized Phantomhive Mansion.

Taako traveled with Xion first to check out the dilapidated Phantomhive Mansion and then to Town via teleportation, where she showed him both Riftguard HQ and left him with a map to City Hall. They left each other on good terms, and Taako currently considers the young (comparatively) human his only current friend on the planet.

Making his way to Town's City Hall, Taako then met with the intimidating Mayor Torgue. The meeting was to discuss the possibility of opening Fantasy Costco as a business endorsed by Town, and to facilitate Taako's acquiring of the Phantomhive estate. The meeting went well, and Taako left with both the deed to the Phantomhive Mansion and the promise that his store would be able to open after a few routine inspections, as well as the information to contact people to help fix up the run-down estate he had just bought.

And so, after a few weeks, Phantomhive Mansion was restored to it's former glory, with changes made by Taako himself. Taako then settled into his life on Rigel.

Sometime after his arrival and the remodeling of the Estate, Taako was visited by a robotic Fox. The fox was, apparently, gathering information for some group known as the "Trixies". Rather than kick him off the property immediately, Taako struck up a deal with the being, and allowed it to take scans of both the newly repaired Phantomhive Mansion and the Fantasy Costco building and area, with the assurance that anything anomalous found would be relayed back to him by the Fox's masters.

Taako then accompanied the Fox to the famous Wayne Manor. There, he had an altercation with the Grim Reaper Grell Sutcliffe, started by his sister Lup. While still trapped in the Umbra Staff, Lup exercised her immense power by attacking the Grim Reaper out of the blue, before Taako even had a chance to introduce himself. Leaving shortly after he stopped his sister from doing anything else, the exact repercussions of this event are unknown.

Later, Taako began making preparations for the grand opening of Fantasy Costco. Part of these preparations was starting research into the dead-zone that surrounded the Fantasy Costco building, figuring out what exactly it was, and why it had happened in the first place.

One of Taako's theories, and the one he places the most faith in, is that the area has become the starts of a Necropolis, a City of the Dead, where necromantic energy permeates the very earth in the area itself. The good news of this would be that nothing would come of it for at least a thousand years, if not more, unless something were to speed it up. The bad news being that whatever had caused it came from Fantasy Costco, and therefor Faerun. Taako theorizes that the former owner of the Fantasy Costco, Garfield the Sales Warlock, had somehow gotten his paws on one of the Grand Relics from Taako's world, the Animus Bell, a necromantic device capable of taking the souls right out of people, among other unknown and dangerous powers.

It was around the time of this research and discovery that Taako came into contact with Pinwheel the Necromancer, who was investigating the Fantasy Costco compound after sensing the powerful necromancy coming from the area. Taako ended up striking a deal with the masked being. A research agreement, and the promise that if Taako discovered an artifact that different than what he expected, Pinwheel would be the first to know about it.

After those events, Taako returned home and began work on his hand-crafted invitations to Fantasy Costco's grand opening, to be delivered before the fliers were to be distributed to the general populous. As of the current moment, the only recipient of one of the hand-crafted invitations would be Xion of the Riftguard.

Relationship Guide

  • Garfield the Sales Warlock - Friend
  • Kravitz - Lover
  • Garfield the Sales Warlock - Enemy
  • Xion - Friend
  • Pinwheel - Business Associate
  • Alice Fefferman - Student